When I was a kid, my mother used to quote the adage "Every cloud has a silver lining".....and I would wonder what the heck she was talking about! Now, several years (don't ask how many) and numerous "clouds" later, I think I might have an idea of what that means.
My previous post talked losing my job for the coming school year. While I still maintain the closing door/opening door perspective (or at least I try to) and a Jeremiah 29:11 outlook, some days the cloud has been pretty darn cloudy. But the slivers of that silver lining have been sparkling!
I found that despite newspaper articles, emails to the "network" of parents, and my farewell letter in the school newsletter, many of the students did not know I would not be returning in the fall. So I found myself trying to explain to these kids why some people didn't think the school needed a counselor next year. More often than not, the kids' responses were "that's stupid" Nice. My thoughts exactly. One student, a 5th grade boy asked "what are you going to do?" When I told him I was going to take some time to think about what I would do, he brightened up and exclaimed "I know what you can do! You can start a private counseling office - then you can help anybody you want - not just kids. You should do that because you're really good at it!"
After our 6th grade awards ceremony, I was scheduled to spend about 40 minutes with the students. We gathered the chairs in a circle and I asked them to share: 1 thing you will miss about elementary school and 1 thing you are looking forward to in the high school. While I heard about missing recess, and friends and classroom parties, one student looked straight at me from across the circle and said "One thing I will miss about elementary school is you." It was quietly stated. In fact, it took me a moment to realize what he had said. Such a simple offering, without fanfare or giggles or pause.....and yet, it blazed into my world. I had not ever had an official one-on-one relationship with this student.
A line-up of 5th grade students formed for hugs goodbye after the class presented me with cards and a song. Each card had a touching message...things like:
you made everything seem easier.....
.you helped us through the hard times.....
you will always be in the heart of Juniata Valley School.....
You have helped us learn about bullying.I will miss all of the fun stuff. But most importantly, I will miss you!
You have had a strong influence on many of us...
I wish you didn't have to leave....
I will miss you so much. You made me happy when I was sad....
You had my back through everything....
There will be a missing part in our hearts....
I'll miss you. I wish you weren't leaving. I wish we didn't have budget cuts....
No one can replace you....
The thing that makes these moments slivers of a silver lining is that if it weren't for the cloud, I would not know these kids feel this way! They tend to not express things like that out of the blue...and particularly it seems, not for the school counselor. (Don't get me started on being passed by on birthday cupcakes! LOL) It is difficult to express how much these sentiments mean.....
When unloading my filing cabinets through the course of this week, I came across thank you notes from years past, from students and parents alike. Not a lot of them, but incredibly meaningful from the parents who wrote them.....because I am well aware that I was not always their favorite staff person. So it is quite comforting to know that at one time, if even for a single moment, something I did was helpful to their family.
Also in those files, I found a long lost and cherished Michael W. Smith Christmas CD!! Christmas wasn't quite complete without it...
I have received some cards and emails from now former co-workers that contained such heartfelt messages I think I used a whole box of Kleenex! And wondered why I had bothered to apply mascara. I had no clue that I had made any difference in their day to day doings. Some of those cards have contained generous offerings of gift cards as well.
On a personal note, this cloud is shooting some slivers of silver in the family arena. For one thing, it will allow me more time and flexibility in visiting and tending to my mom who is in assisted living place a few hours away. And having extra time for those sorts of adventures will allow me a more mentally healthy way to go about that process :) AND......
I am going to be a Grandmother!! What a way to start the holidays this year! And I will have the time to be doting, hopefully helpful and probably a bit of a pain in the butt to my son and his wife. :)
So my office has been completely packed up and shipped out, though some of it is still in my car....somewhere in the neighborhood of 20 boxes of "stuff" made their way to my residence. I guess a lot can accumulate over 13 years! It's all over but the turning in of the computer and the key. I suppose there's some statement could be made here about a fat lady singing.....but I won't go there.....my voice isn't what it used to be! LOL
Just before I left the building yesterday, I contemplated walking through the halls one more time. But there would be nobody there. The building was empty except for one small meeting taking place and one hard working custodian. And I decided against it for the same reason that I find I cannot stay at my father's grave for any length of time: there would be no sense of presence there. My dad's memory lives in my heart........and similarly, to walk through the halls would not give me any further or final connection with the people and memories who have formed my experience at JV. They have now been transferred to my heart.
you will always be in the heart of Juniata Valley School..... one student wrote. I daresay the flip of that is true as well.....
Juniata Valley School and the friends and fond memories there will always be in my heart....
The downside to clouds and their silver linings (I'm almost feeling a little channeling of Joni Mitchell here).....is that it's too bad that we don't often take the time to bring the sparkle to someone else until the cloud has descended. So one thing I DO plan to do better is to let people know what they mean and the difference they have made to me while I am with them....(which I think I mentioned in my New Year's post.....I guess there's no time like the present for self-evaluation)
And because I really stink at goodbyes (or as Michael Scott says, "Goodbyes Stink"), I will only say ....thanks for the silver slivers..... until whenever.....and God bless.
