Dear Whole 30,
It's New Year's Day and you and I will be getting back together tomorrow. I honestly never thought I would have to write this letter of confession, because although it's probably slightly romanticized to say I enjoyed our relationship last year, it certainly made me feel better about myself and I didn't think I would ever again be without you. And since I don't think a good solid relationship will work without transparency, I offer this confession. I don't even know exactly how you and I ended up breaking up completely - I mean I was pretty confident we could maintain a successful "open" relationship - you know - where there was a little freedom but clearly part of each other's lives. I have missed you. I tried to come back to you several times but alas, my heart ended up being enticed by others who seemed more attractive.
It all probably started around the corner from my office. You see, there are 5 Guys that really have something special. And they know just how to draw me in. And recently when I have paid a visit to see my guys, I've been hitting on a doctor who is always there when I am. He is just so sweet and I love his deep rich coloring. Yeah - Dr. Pepper just sort of trickled his way back into my life....and sometimes brought along his weird cousin Mr. Pibb. But what really makes me feel low is that I've even been paying visits to that clown by the last name of McDonald. And his neighbor with the talking cows.
A lot of my downfall has been subtle. Just open a menu somewhere and the charms waft forth. A guy named Reuben whispering seductively in my ear when I am eyeing up a salad that would afford me better control. That saucy woman called Sangria doing her little salsa sashay into my sight lines when water or tea were my original choice. Just the other day I almost brought home a man name Mancini after only one time of wrapping my hands around his warm doughy rolls. I've even returned at times to being one of those women who Lay's around while watching TV. And often when I've gone in search of a little nugget of well-being, I discover a pile of nuggets in the refrigerator. The dark chocolate ones....with almonds. Sigh That's another thing.....sometimes I feel like Hagrid from Harry Potter...... I am not only hiding but have been nurturing that deadliest of special and mystical creatures - The Sugar Dragon! Oh how he roars sometimes!
I swear, none of these other relationships meant anything to me! It was you I wanted all along. They are over as of today. Well, midnight tonight. Just after the pork and sauerkraut and dumplings.
So, my Beloved - I am coming back to you. Will you take me back? Let's find that wonderful sweet spot.....(you know, the one caused by non-scale victories and NOT by HFCS, or dextrose, or any of the gazillion other sources of sugar that stalk me from every side) of relationship together. Give me those wonderful gifts again of comfortable clothing, no need for anti-acids, far less ibuprofen, more regular sleep.....I miss you. I need you.
Humbly,
Your Wayward Lover
