I've been thinking lately about people who were at one time an important part of my every day and how much I miss them. You know - those people who promise to stay in touch when one or both of you are heading into a new chapter in life. But people's lives are busy. And there's that "out of sight, out of mind" thing that happens. Today marks 5 years since I was informed I would be losing my job of 13 years in a school district not too far far away. And I'm still missing the friends I had there.
Thinking about those people also brings up a lot of other conflicting emotions, though. Ashamedly, despite the resolve I had when I sensed I was going to be one of the ones on the chopping block about which I posted here:
(http://sallysblogwithnoname.blogspot.com/2011/04/tears-at-dawn-eulogy-for-cherished.html), I find myself still having to battle a bit of bitterness. And there are a lot of reasons for that. I suppose the biggest one I struggle with is knowing that the school district this year hired a social worker to provide counseling to the very students I would have been serving - and having the knowledge that the reason they did not make the new position a counselor position was that I keep my furlough letter active and they would have had to hire me back. So they made it a social worker position. Ouch.
But there is also an upside to what has been allowed to happen in my life that may not have happened otherwise......
*** I was able to be available to my mother during the last year and a half of her life without having to worry about whether I was running out of sick/personal days. And although that was tough on the finances, I can't think of anything more worth losing money over.
*** I now have the opportunity to work in schools where I truly feel appreciated. And....when I leave the school at the end of my day, I am not affected by whatever politics, drama,gossip or curriculum/demand changes may be going on there. Granted, I also do not belong to any particular staff, but given the choice, I think I would choose feeling valued.
*** I have a boss who trusts me to do my job. Nobody is breathing down my neck - except for that ruthless, demanding so and so at my private practice :D
*** In order to make ends meet, for a time, I had to take a part time job I hated. But working at that job allowed me to meet some really cool people who have become good friends. Who share my office, or their pack and plays when I have twins coming to visit, or are mutual referral sources for business. And the best part is, the job was temporary but the relationships are not! Win win.
*** I have had the privilege to work with some incredibly interesting and inspiring people in my private practice. People of all ages. And it is awe-inspiring to be invited into someone's life to help them navigate the bumps in their respective roads. And when a few of those graduate next month and head off into the promises of their bright futures, I know I will shed a few tears.
*** Even though I work 11 hour days, and travel to 8 schools across 4 counties AND keep up a private practice, I am able to make my schedule flex to provide space for important events in the lives of my family members - like the arrival of grandchildren, or a son's wedding at The Wizarding World of Harry Potter .....
*** My summer actually does last until after Labor Day because most schools don't want itinerants starting until the 2nd full week of school! Woo hoo!
5 years seems like forever ago and it seems like yesterday. There's so much I feel like I've lost. And yet so much I have gained. I suppose it's possible to feel hurt and thankful at the same time. I suppose it's called growth.
