This weekend was the 4th soiree for the gaggle of women I call the Sisters of Soiree'. (SOS) I'm pretty sure no one else in the group uses that handle for us but that's ok.
Dictionary.com lists 3 definitions of the word soiree, all of them so similar that listing only one is necessary:
an evening party or social gathering, esp. one held for a particular purpose: a musical soiree
Well, I think we would all agree that they are definitely held in the evening...on into the late, late LATE evening sometimes..and at a private residence as the one definition lists....but I am guessing that the "particular purpose" might not be as unified.
Though we are all connected in some way to at least one other person in the gaggle, in at least one way.... some through theatre, some through work, some through kids' activities, it is not a group that is cemented by one exclusive connection. Except maybe what Diane....er...Toots calls the silliness factor. We definitely have FUN! Perhaps that is why I stepped out of my comfort zone and sort of elbowed my way into this gang. (I AM in the gang, right, Ladies?) I needed some fun....and friends.
I sort of imposed myself on this group of extraordinary ladies because I was.....well, feeling rather lonely. And frustrated in recent years at the absence of friends. This is not a normal activity for me - imposing myself on people and trying to make friends....couple of reasons....first, the shyness mentioned in my previous post. There's also a trust factor - through most of my high school and college life I was closest to guys because I found most females to be catty, sniping and petty. A guy would tell you straight up what the deal was. Like "yeah - I'm really not interested in you that way"....ok - not the best thing to hear from them but at least there was no pretending. So for me to invite myself into a group of women with whom I had very peripheral connections is quite out of character.
During my first marriage, that friendship with guys thing was pretty much taboo. So I tried to surround myself with women friends. I did ok...but I still didn't really enjoy women's events. I often said I would rather have a root canal than to sit at a baby shower listening to everyone's labor stories. And later on I got myself into a bit of a pickle in group counseling class in grad school when I said I had no interest in anything resembling a cackling hen's soup supper at church. Apparently one of the other people in the group liked being a cackling hen. Or eating soup. Or both. After my divorce (which actually came before grad school but don't try to keep it straight - I know I can't), all the women who had been my friends, and on whom I thought I could lean in times of trouble were suddenly stand-offish. Heck - some of them just downright disappeared! As though they had gotten their hands on Harry Potter's invisibility cloak! Some even went so far as to explain (and those who didn't definitely insinuated) that they thought their husbands would come after me now that I was unattached. I can't even begin to explain what all emotions THAT elicited!
My attempts at maintaining friendships with women were so one sided and exasperating that I think I finally gave up. And I would get lonelier. And try again. And be disappointed. The result of this ugly cycle became so blazingly apparent to me when I had wrecked my car and was taken to the ER. They were ready to discharge me and brought me a phone to call someone to come get me and I started to cry. The nurse panicked, thinking I was having pain. The truth was, I didn't have anyone to call to come and get me. Calling my ex-husband wasn't a choice in my book and the devastation I felt at the realization that there was nobody who gave enough of a damn about me that I could count on them in a moment of need, shattered my soul.
So when Peggy Jean (not her real name) asked me to help with an audition workshop,(though we were only connected via commenting on a mutual friend's Facebook status and had the same opinion of his addiction to Shamrock shakes) then suggested we grab some lunch after we both auditioned on the same day a week or so later, I decided to pursue unsticking this flower from the wall and see what might happen.
And we've been raucously soireeing since June....and we have taken on the practice of assigning themes to our evenings of delight and debauchery and diet-dissing. With recipes and costumes to match! From Mexican to Cowgirl to White Trash, it just keeps getting better! In fact, I think soireeing has changed other parts of my life - I almost don't hate going to work these days! Almost.
At the last soiree, there was a shirt painting activity (which I missed because of my show altho I'm not sure I would actually WEAR a shirt with my white trash name on it)...but I'm thinking that we are soon gonna need jackets.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Breaking a Leg ......Again
I got back onstage this weekend. It's been 3 years since I've been in a show and I've really missed it. The things that makes this particular show more monumental are
1. This one is a selfish guilty pleasure - I've never done a show before that wasn't during a summer season run, mainly because I had my own kids' high school shows requiring me to keep the calendar clear. But now that my only connection to the school district shows will be through my friends' kids, I have a bit more freedom to do my own thing. And it's been pretty cool to "find myself" again.
2. Getting back onstage for myself was one of the many factors that led to resigning my position as Drama Advisor/Director at school. I started to get a little jealous of the opportunities I attempted to provide for my students.
3. I am doing this show with a brand new group of people, in a completely different playhouse. I was apprehensive to the max to step into this new venue. First, because unbelieveably to many of my acquaintances, I tend to be rather shy. Second, it's not a secret that in many small town theater groups, it is difficult to be the new kid. Being in theater lends itself to close knit ties - lots of shared memories and sometimes fierce competition. I have a family member who, after having relocated to another state has found it very difficult to "break in" to a local group because newcomers simply aren't welcome. That's not what I have found this month, and I am so grateful to these folks for the absolute encouragement and genuine goodwill I have experienced. That's not to say there aren't theatrical personalities flaring from time to time....and I can honestly say, that because I am not the director this time, and because I am the new kid, I can maintain a detached position and.... I find it rather entertaining and amusing.
Some of these good people find it hard to believe that I have not played many leading roles....now what closet diva doesn't want to hear THAT?!? :)
And the opening night tradition is to crack open champagne and load up the snack counter with all sorts of delectables! And everyone sits around and enjoys each other's company. A truly genuine and rewarding experience - even though I can't drink the champagne.
In the midst of that socializing and sharing the other night, one of the long-standing group members came over to me and told me he hoped I would think about coming back to work with them in the future. I said, "Ok - how about for tomorrow night's show? " I've gotta say that that comment (his, not mine) has done more for me than all the raucous laughter and applause from the audience.
It feels so good to be "breaking a leg" again!
1. This one is a selfish guilty pleasure - I've never done a show before that wasn't during a summer season run, mainly because I had my own kids' high school shows requiring me to keep the calendar clear. But now that my only connection to the school district shows will be through my friends' kids, I have a bit more freedom to do my own thing. And it's been pretty cool to "find myself" again.
2. Getting back onstage for myself was one of the many factors that led to resigning my position as Drama Advisor/Director at school. I started to get a little jealous of the opportunities I attempted to provide for my students.
3. I am doing this show with a brand new group of people, in a completely different playhouse. I was apprehensive to the max to step into this new venue. First, because unbelieveably to many of my acquaintances, I tend to be rather shy. Second, it's not a secret that in many small town theater groups, it is difficult to be the new kid. Being in theater lends itself to close knit ties - lots of shared memories and sometimes fierce competition. I have a family member who, after having relocated to another state has found it very difficult to "break in" to a local group because newcomers simply aren't welcome. That's not what I have found this month, and I am so grateful to these folks for the absolute encouragement and genuine goodwill I have experienced. That's not to say there aren't theatrical personalities flaring from time to time....and I can honestly say, that because I am not the director this time, and because I am the new kid, I can maintain a detached position and.... I find it rather entertaining and amusing.
Some of these good people find it hard to believe that I have not played many leading roles....now what closet diva doesn't want to hear THAT?!? :)
And the opening night tradition is to crack open champagne and load up the snack counter with all sorts of delectables! And everyone sits around and enjoys each other's company. A truly genuine and rewarding experience - even though I can't drink the champagne.
In the midst of that socializing and sharing the other night, one of the long-standing group members came over to me and told me he hoped I would think about coming back to work with them in the future. I said, "Ok - how about for tomorrow night's show? " I've gotta say that that comment (his, not mine) has done more for me than all the raucous laughter and applause from the audience.
It feels so good to be "breaking a leg" again!
Friday, September 17, 2010
Well, after I posted the last installment about my struggle with being the age that I am chronologically, (and I do struggle - but like everything else that troubles me I try to infuse it with some humor....like when I needed 10 stitches in the top of my head and I asked them to just pull it up tight so I could avoid a facelift later)....I was driving home from rehearsal. And having had it up to here (cue common mom gesture) with the songs from the show for the time being, I turned on the radio. And there was a song playing by the Christian band, REVIVE that sort of grabbed me. In fact, it was an eloquent paraphrase of what I was trying to convey in my post. And here are the lyrics -
Teach me to number my days
And count every moment before it slips away
Taking all the colors before they fade to gray
I don’t want to miss even just a second more of this
It happens in a blink
It happens in a flash
It happens in the time it takes to look back
I try to hold on tight, but there’s no stopping time
What is it I’ve done with my life
It happens in a blink
When it’s all said and done
No one remembers how far we have run
The only thing that matters is how we have loved
I don’t want to miss even just a second more of this
Slow down, slow down
Before today becomes our yesterday
Slow down, slow down
Before you turn around and it’s too late
It happens in a blink
it happens in a flash
it happens in the time it takes to look back
I try to hold on tight but there’s no stopping time
What is it I’ve done with my life
It happens in a blink
And probably even more helpful than reading them, here is the link to listen
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvuxFdM3S58
The song asks - what is it I've done with my life?
Hopefully I have
made people feel loved and appreciated....
given some students a measure of self-worth....
brought laughter to someone who needed it....
contributed something somewhere, to make the world a better place.....
encouraged a downtrodden heart....
shined a ray of light to a darkened corner.....
made a difference.
Teach me to number my days
And count every moment before it slips away
Taking all the colors before they fade to gray
I don’t want to miss even just a second more of this
It happens in a blink
It happens in a flash
It happens in the time it takes to look back
I try to hold on tight, but there’s no stopping time
What is it I’ve done with my life
It happens in a blink
When it’s all said and done
No one remembers how far we have run
The only thing that matters is how we have loved
I don’t want to miss even just a second more of this
Slow down, slow down
Before today becomes our yesterday
Slow down, slow down
Before you turn around and it’s too late
It happens in a blink
it happens in a flash
it happens in the time it takes to look back
I try to hold on tight but there’s no stopping time
What is it I’ve done with my life
It happens in a blink
And probably even more helpful than reading them, here is the link to listen
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvuxFdM3S58
The song asks - what is it I've done with my life?
Hopefully I have
made people feel loved and appreciated....
given some students a measure of self-worth....
brought laughter to someone who needed it....
contributed something somewhere, to make the world a better place.....
encouraged a downtrodden heart....
shined a ray of light to a darkened corner.....
made a difference.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Life in the Middle Ages
Yesterday I sat contemplating the Circle of Life. No, not the song from The Lion King – I was never really much of a fan of that movie. Nor am I a fan of the actual circle of life. My contemplation time took place in the waiting room of the orthopedic surgeon who was going to inject my second round of synvisc into my knees. That’s right – an OLD PEOPLE treatment! And I wondered how in the world I got here!
I look at parents with chubby faced little cherubs and wonder exactly how and when I officially got booted out of that club?!? Because inside, I still think and feel mostly the way I did in that stage of my life. And to be honest, I am more ready to be a Mom again instead of a Grandmom. I would say “Don’t tell my son and his wife this” – but that would be unnecessary because
1. They already have a clue because when asked what I want their future children to call me, my answer is still “Your Majesty will suffice”
2. I’m pretty sure I could successfully bet money that they don’t read my blog! :)
I look at folks of my mother’s generation and wonder if that is how I am seen by those young parents (and my own kids) - as just a thin veneer of mayonnaise away from being one of the slices of bread on their future Sandwich Generation status. (Sidebar – I propose we move away from that metaphor and adopt more of a Salad Generation stance – more on that in a future post – if my memory holds out that long!)
I look at myself when I try to get out of bed in the morning and can’t help but think that this whole circle thing is just plain sucks! I am so not looking forward to needing assistance in any and all manner of activities of daily living (to put it delicately). So I am proposing recommendations to the universe – we need, as much as I hate to coin such a cliché phrase: a paradigm shift. And I’m ok with whichever is selected – but I want one to happen – and I want it NOW!
Option #1 – I propose that rather than having to endure the aging process in a circle –we make it more of a Straight Line With Benefits Plan. Let’s start life out as we do now, because honestly, who can resist cute baby giggles and first steps and all that? And let’s get adolescence out of the way as planned because living in anticipation of that horrid experience will only make the angst more severe. But let’s change it up just after we given birth to our kiddos- from that point on I say we freeze the physical condition and ramp up the energy level and zest for living in progressive measures each year. So that grandmas will be able to pursue with vigor those activities they put on hold while they were raising their kids. We will assume of course that appropriate wisdom will come with age but hard learned lessons will not carve our faces into that dried apple doll look. K? And for goodness sake, let’s make the wardrobe attractive, please. I’m sure Alfred Dunner and the people who make Depends can find some other avenue of generating revenue.
Option #2 - I propose that we change the cultural perspective of aging. All we need to do is get the media on board because let’s face it – they’re the ones impressing on everyone from girls aged 5 – 95 that there is a particular set of “acceptable” conditions of body size, skin tone, hair style - you name it. “I have a dream” that one day young girls will be saying “I can hardly wait til my boobs sag and my hair is lifeless! Botox? Are you KIDDING? I am buying Neutrogena’s Wrinkle Me Now cream – it gives the impression of laugh lines and crow’s feet even if you don’t have them! It’s awesome!” Or, “please, Dr. Optomotrist can you put me in fake bifocals? Contacts? NO WAY – I want to look like my grandma – she’s a hottie!” Wouldn’t it be great to hear them shuffling into breakfast whining “When am I ever going to have everything hurting when I get out of bed! And why does my hair have to be so shiny and bouncy?… being young stinks – I want to be old NOW!” Wouldn’t it be great to be able to still have the upper hand in acquiring knowledge – like catching onto the latest technology and having to teach it to our kids? Oh – and how about being the originators of the latest slang? Oh yeah – I can dig it. We’ll call this the Advanced Age is Awesome approach.
I think I might be onto something here. Does anyone have the number for The New York Times, CNN and The Enquirer? Or maybe we could just start it as a viral movement on the internet…….
I look at parents with chubby faced little cherubs and wonder exactly how and when I officially got booted out of that club?!? Because inside, I still think and feel mostly the way I did in that stage of my life. And to be honest, I am more ready to be a Mom again instead of a Grandmom. I would say “Don’t tell my son and his wife this” – but that would be unnecessary because
1. They already have a clue because when asked what I want their future children to call me, my answer is still “Your Majesty will suffice”
2. I’m pretty sure I could successfully bet money that they don’t read my blog! :)
I look at folks of my mother’s generation and wonder if that is how I am seen by those young parents (and my own kids) - as just a thin veneer of mayonnaise away from being one of the slices of bread on their future Sandwich Generation status. (Sidebar – I propose we move away from that metaphor and adopt more of a Salad Generation stance – more on that in a future post – if my memory holds out that long!)
I look at myself when I try to get out of bed in the morning and can’t help but think that this whole circle thing is just plain sucks! I am so not looking forward to needing assistance in any and all manner of activities of daily living (to put it delicately). So I am proposing recommendations to the universe – we need, as much as I hate to coin such a cliché phrase: a paradigm shift. And I’m ok with whichever is selected – but I want one to happen – and I want it NOW!
Option #1 – I propose that rather than having to endure the aging process in a circle –we make it more of a Straight Line With Benefits Plan. Let’s start life out as we do now, because honestly, who can resist cute baby giggles and first steps and all that? And let’s get adolescence out of the way as planned because living in anticipation of that horrid experience will only make the angst more severe. But let’s change it up just after we given birth to our kiddos- from that point on I say we freeze the physical condition and ramp up the energy level and zest for living in progressive measures each year. So that grandmas will be able to pursue with vigor those activities they put on hold while they were raising their kids. We will assume of course that appropriate wisdom will come with age but hard learned lessons will not carve our faces into that dried apple doll look. K? And for goodness sake, let’s make the wardrobe attractive, please. I’m sure Alfred Dunner and the people who make Depends can find some other avenue of generating revenue.
Option #2 - I propose that we change the cultural perspective of aging. All we need to do is get the media on board because let’s face it – they’re the ones impressing on everyone from girls aged 5 – 95 that there is a particular set of “acceptable” conditions of body size, skin tone, hair style - you name it. “I have a dream” that one day young girls will be saying “I can hardly wait til my boobs sag and my hair is lifeless! Botox? Are you KIDDING? I am buying Neutrogena’s Wrinkle Me Now cream – it gives the impression of laugh lines and crow’s feet even if you don’t have them! It’s awesome!” Or, “please, Dr. Optomotrist can you put me in fake bifocals? Contacts? NO WAY – I want to look like my grandma – she’s a hottie!” Wouldn’t it be great to hear them shuffling into breakfast whining “When am I ever going to have everything hurting when I get out of bed! And why does my hair have to be so shiny and bouncy?… being young stinks – I want to be old NOW!” Wouldn’t it be great to be able to still have the upper hand in acquiring knowledge – like catching onto the latest technology and having to teach it to our kids? Oh – and how about being the originators of the latest slang? Oh yeah – I can dig it. We’ll call this the Advanced Age is Awesome approach.
I think I might be onto something here. Does anyone have the number for The New York Times, CNN and The Enquirer? Or maybe we could just start it as a viral movement on the internet…….
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