"It's the Most Wonderful Music of the Year" - so don't mess with it!

It is the day after Thanksgiving - what used to be the official start of the holiday season....I won't go into a dissertation about how much earlier everything starts...yadda yadda. It's true I officially start listening (albeit sporadically) to Christmas music on October 15 but I don't jump in to Black Friday sales, or Thanksgiving Day decorating so I don't know if I should be labeled a traditionalist or a non-conformist when it comes to all things Christmas.

But in terms of the music - I just might be a purist.  There are certain things that just need to....or NOT to...happen with Christmas music. 

The song, "White Christmas" should not be sung for performance by anybody other than Bing Crosby.  Period.  Oh....or me. Likewise, "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" should primarily be the Gene Autry recording....or a bunch of elementary students (without the underwear line, please).  Oh.....or me. "Chestnuts  Roasting..." should be Nat King Cole...or ok - even Johnny Mathis....or me.  Sidebar - I had a friend in college who insisted Johnny Mathis Christmas music was the best makeout music ever. There's just so much I could say about that....but that would get me off track and I have a tough enough time staying focused. 

There are other things that are just wrong with so much of the music played at Christmas time.  Barbra Streisand singing Ave Maria.  Really?  I'm sorry I just have a bit of an issue with making a buck from someone else's religion.  I'm not making any plans to record or even perform Adam Sandler's Hanukah song.  Don't get me wrong- I love Barbra.  Always have.  But c'mon, Barb - that's just tacky.  Oh and speaking of tacky - Harry Connick Jr.'s song, "I Pray on Christmas" - I love Harry.  And of course I'm not opposed to praying - but the lyrics of the song are so dang stupid and meaningless it's like fingernails on a chalkboard to listen to it.  I wouldn't even sing that one.  And I would do almost anything to have my own Christmas special. Now Harry does have a nice jazzy arrangement of Rudolph that I rather like. And when he asks, "What are You Doing New Year's Eve" - I want to run and check my calendar.  I think he and I could do a smokin duet on that one!   I mentioned Bing earlier - though he has (well, had)  a voice like melted chocolate fudge - his recording of Adeste Fidelis should just not have ever happened.  Sounds sort of like a chicken got stuck in his throat.  A whole one.

And if we're going to play Christmas music folks, for goodness sake - can we make sure that the station is properly tuned in??  Just another reason to boycott Walmart. :)

And who in the world ever decided that "My Favorite Things" from The Sound of Music is a Christmas song??  Just because it mentions snowflakes on noses and eyelashes (where incidentally snowflakes do NOT stay unless you're already frozen stiff in which case why the heck would it be one of your favorite things?!)? 

While I'm on a song elimination paragraph, let's just throw in Feliz Navidad - not because I am culturally insensitive - but because it's a horrid sounding song.  I am more than happy to flush the John Lennon one also.  And "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer".  Why on earth kids think this is so funny is beyond me. Anything Elvis has to go too.  And "The Christmas Shoes"- why don't I just gouge my eyes and heart out with the same pitchfork on THAT one?!   I have a whole list.  But to include it here might cause you to believe I'm just a big Bah Humbug.  Which I'm not - not by any stretch.  But I do think some class and decorum is in order for something about which I am so passionate - Christmas.

I have been chagrined this season to discover that so many songs on so many of the CDs I have are either pointless, in poor religious taste, horrible arrangements, or poorly performed.  There's just one solution - I need to make my own recording.  With many guests.....like - I want Barry Manilow to re-record "Baby It's Cold Outside" (incidentally the purist points out that this song has nothing to do with Christmas)....and I would do anything with Michael Buble..... I meant songs .... what were YOU thinking??  I think I need a little appearance from Steven Curtis Chapman or Chris Tomlin as well.  If I could think of a woman who wouldn't upstage me, I'd invite her......Oh - and a little accompaniment here and there from The Boston Pops.  And some back up singing by The Mormon Tabernacle Choir ......or does that violate my religion rule for Christmas music?  Not sure - ok let's make it the Vienna Boys Choir.  We definitely need a number by the Sisters of Soiree - an original composition I think - that's sure to become a classic - and lastly - and most importantly there would definitely be an engineered recording mixing me with some recordings of my dad.  He was by far, my favorite person to hear singing things like "O Holy Night" or "Gesu Bambino."  I would give anything to sing a duet with him again.

So I will be sure to let you know the release date of my first Christmas CD.  And where and when to tune in for my Christmas special.  Although I would gladly just accept an invitation to appear on Christmas in Washington.  Or maybe I'll just go put on a show in the streets of downtown State College. Sometimes to get a done right - ya gotta do it yourself! ;)