The 3 Dog Night song is such a comforting little ditty - screaming out "One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do!!" and by some misfortune has been ringing in my head for the past several days. It started Friday night when my dinner plans with a friend fell through and I didn't feel like cooking for myself. I seriously contemplated going to Hoss's and just getting a decent, relatively reasonable meal and going home. But then I thought of all the times I enter a restaurant and the host/hostess looks at me and says, "JUST one?" Even when I initate and say "one" - they often respond with "JUST one?" Um yeah - unless you are going to start counting my various moods and personalities. Then we need a whole freakin banquet room! I really don't mind eating out alone...usually, but on Friday I was in the mood for some company. So better to go home than be "just one." So I breezed through the drive through of the KFC for some KGC and headed home with the dang song in my head.
Actually, one is not the loneliest number that I'll ever do. What IS the loneliest number is being 1 of 10, or 25 or 100 but not being noticed, acknowledged, appreciated. But I've moaned and complained about that before so I won't do it again. At least not in this post.
Someone commented to me recently "I am my own best friend!" He went on to discuss how he never has to guess what he is thinking, doesn't hold a grudge against himself, doesn't get into arguments with himself (wish I could say that of me), and doesn't have to worry if he's going to laugh at his jokes. Pretty good approach, I think.
So tonight I decided once again that maybe I would head to Hoss's since I went to Jazzercise and I felt like a good healthy non-carb meal as a reward for all that sweating. (Ironically as I type I am eating cheese and some very very deliciously starchy crackers that make my inner carb monster VERY happy). Fortunately the hostess did not say "JUST one?" It was a good start. I could now get very tangential and become a food critic because there was much I could comment on....but I won't. And the service was good, so I'll save my customer service (pro and con) rant for another day as well.
Being "one" in a busy restaurant allows one to become more of a people watcher, since there is nobody sitting across the table talking, eating and actually keeping me company. I get to see the gambit of the parental spectrum - from the people who pretty much ignore their kids and let them run amok, to the ones who think their child is the cutest, smartest, most endearing kid in the place and want everyone else to know it. No thanks...on both counts. I also get to observe the older couples who seem to still be really into each other.....and those who can't seem to stand each other. I get a kick out of trying to figure out what people might be on a date. (Note - if anyone were to take me on a date to Hoss's, there would be no subsequent dates. This is not a date-worthy place in this girl's book - just sayin'.)
Tonight I was really blessed because though I did not have an active conversation taking place at my table, but I could hear much of a conversation distinctly from some of my fellow diners. Two rows over. I couldn't hear the people at the table right next to me.....or the one in front of me, which incidentally had 2 children at it, but oh baby, I could hear the guy halfway across the room. Ok - maybe not the WHOLE room, but certainly across my section. I had to chuckle because the sound of it was much like what I might hear in the dialogue of The Big Bang Theory. And the girl had the most abyssmal mastication manners I think I've ever seen. (And boy have I seen some - particularly recently at Wegman's - I could probably do a whole blog post on people's horrible table manners - like anyone would care to read it) I am reminded of Michael Caine's line in Miss Congeniality, when he told Sandra Bullock he couldn't understand her with that "half masticated cow rolling around in your wide open trap." Wow. That's all I can say. Yes, table manners and etiquette are as big a pet peeve with me as is poor grammar. And by the way, since I've made a BBT reference, let me say that these two beings would fit well within the cast in appearance as well. Don't get me wrong, I love Sheldon and friends, I'm just trying to give context. So part of the conversation was about some books. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess The Hunger Games. Because isn't that what everyone is talking about? So the guys say something to the effect of, "I read the first one. And it didn't grip me like it did everyone else, so I wasn't ravenous for the second one." I would love to be able to tell you what her answer was...... but she was chewing. Later in the conversation he posited that the story was quite truncated. But I think he really captured her heart and mind when he described how thin her hair is. You know it's true, Ladies - that's what we wanna hear! Ignore those Prell commercials from days of yore.....waiting forever for the pearl to drop.....or anything nowadays that entices us to more volume, more shine......we want the guy in our life to desribe for us what we don't want to accept - that we have dull, lifeless, boring hair!
Thankfully, their departure took place about midway through my meal. And as they got up to leave, I realized why this guy looked familiar to me.......I know him! Well, not really. I know who he is, because I have seen him on stage. He wouldn't know me from a hole in the ground. Besides, he would probably think I was quite truncated.
So one is not really the loneliest number that you'll ever do.....
one is the ________________ what? I guess you could fill in the blanks any number of ways.....
One is the observantest number?
One is the annoyedest number?
One is the entertainedest number?
Or Emily Postest?
Or interestingest?
Amusedest?
Probably different for different people in different situations. Tonight for me, One was the incredulousest number.
At least it wasn't boring.
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