I've been thinking lately about people who were at one time an important part of my every day and how much I miss them. You know - those people who promise to stay in touch when one or both of you are heading into a new chapter in life. But people's lives are busy. And there's that "out of sight, out of mind" thing that happens. Today marks 5 years since I was informed I would be losing my job of 13 years in a school district not too far far away. And I'm still missing the friends I had there.
Thinking about those people also brings up a lot of other conflicting emotions, though. Ashamedly, despite the resolve I had when I sensed I was going to be one of the ones on the chopping block about which I posted here:
(http://sallysblogwithnoname.blogspot.com/2011/04/tears-at-dawn-eulogy-for-cherished.html), I find myself still having to battle a bit of bitterness. And there are a lot of reasons for that. I suppose the biggest one I struggle with is knowing that the school district this year hired a social worker to provide counseling to the very students I would have been serving - and having the knowledge that the reason they did not make the new position a counselor position was that I keep my furlough letter active and they would have had to hire me back. So they made it a social worker position. Ouch.
But there is also an upside to what has been allowed to happen in my life that may not have happened otherwise......
*** I was able to be available to my mother during the last year and a half of her life without having to worry about whether I was running out of sick/personal days. And although that was tough on the finances, I can't think of anything more worth losing money over.
*** I now have the opportunity to work in schools where I truly feel appreciated. And....when I leave the school at the end of my day, I am not affected by whatever politics, drama,gossip or curriculum/demand changes may be going on there. Granted, I also do not belong to any particular staff, but given the choice, I think I would choose feeling valued.
*** I have a boss who trusts me to do my job. Nobody is breathing down my neck - except for that ruthless, demanding so and so at my private practice :D
*** In order to make ends meet, for a time, I had to take a part time job I hated. But working at that job allowed me to meet some really cool people who have become good friends. Who share my office, or their pack and plays when I have twins coming to visit, or are mutual referral sources for business. And the best part is, the job was temporary but the relationships are not! Win win.
*** I have had the privilege to work with some incredibly interesting and inspiring people in my private practice. People of all ages. And it is awe-inspiring to be invited into someone's life to help them navigate the bumps in their respective roads. And when a few of those graduate next month and head off into the promises of their bright futures, I know I will shed a few tears.
*** Even though I work 11 hour days, and travel to 8 schools across 4 counties AND keep up a private practice, I am able to make my schedule flex to provide space for important events in the lives of my family members - like the arrival of grandchildren, or a son's wedding at The Wizarding World of Harry Potter .....
*** My summer actually does last until after Labor Day because most schools don't want itinerants starting until the 2nd full week of school! Woo hoo!
5 years seems like forever ago and it seems like yesterday. There's so much I feel like I've lost. And yet so much I have gained. I suppose it's possible to feel hurt and thankful at the same time. I suppose it's called growth.
I'm glad you are able to see the positives. The road of life twists and turns.
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain.... and joy! When our department hired a new director from outside the hospital, she came in like a bull and eliminated my whole layer of middle management positions....I was devastated because I loved what I did. I had planned to retire from that position. It was especially painful to watch her choose people who were neither qualified nor experienced and put them in new leadership positions and to make the department her own. After upturning everything, she didn't even stay 3 years because she was let go. I am still saddened over the loss of my position. But on the bright side, I was working full time and didn't really want to be. I used to wonder how I was going to keep it up under the stress of the position and no longer had to make that decision to keep doing it. There was a whole lot less stress not being in charge of 60 nurses & aides! I didn't have to get someone to cover me for vacations, etc. and time off to help with Mom. I was able to work just 2 days/week and loved being home more. I felt like I had a life! So as with you, there was a silver lining in my cloud. I still missed the comraderie of our leadership team. Ironically, there is only 1 person still employed there who was on our team of 15 and she has stepped out of leadership. I still missed not making a difference because I felt I had contributed ALOT to better our department. Now that I recently retired, none of that seems so important... but the feelings of sadness over the loss can still surface.
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