Lately I have been getting awake in the middle of the night and cannot get back to sleep for at least an hour. It's been quite aggravating really and it's kind of a chicken and egg thing as to what wakes me up. Or keeps me from getting back to sleep. Whatever the cause and effect of the annoying bouts of insomnia, the end result is terrible difficulty dragging my derrierre out of the sack in the morning.
Sometimes it's the dog needing to go out. Sometimes it's a personal tropical meltdown. Last night, I'm not sure if it was the cause of the awakening or the cause of the point of no return to sleep, but the situation was that my house reeked of burnt cabbage. It's a pretty pungent smell. I'm thinking of recommending it to Yankee Candle for their newest line. No wimpy floral fragrance there. Why, you may be asking, did my house smell like burnt cabbage? Well.....because I .....burned the cabbage. and the rest of what I was cooking for that matter. I used to be a really good cook. My undergraduate degree was housed in the department of Foods and Nutrition. But I was......distracted. (See previous post) I was working on some paperwork and figured that since the meat was still frozen I had some time before I needed to check on the conglomeration I had thrown in together that would soon be called dinner. So yeah - last night part of my reason for not getting back to sleep was the cabbage.
Other nights it's a song that runs endlessly through my head. Even while I am sleeping. I wake up with it running over and over and over again. It's a lovely little song really, sung in Hebrew, that I had the pleasure of performing with The Accidental Chorists last Tuesday night. The show is over but the song keeps playing. And keeps me from sleeping peacefully.
Once I am awake, be it from burnt cabbage smells, the songs that never end, personal summers or the dog, my mind begins to race and jump from one thing to another. Like my latest move in a Words With Friends game......or that song still playing in my head.....or the endless to do list. Or sometimes I worry.
I worry about getting a job. Or my mother's health. Or that someone very dear to me may not return to their faith. Or that I have very little retirement banked. Or the bills. Or alien abduction. Yes, believe it or not, that thought crosses my mind. I have a friend who tells me that one time when he was house/dog sitting during our absence, he believes he was abducted by aliens. Right from my apartment! I live in a different place and have a different dog, but what if it was really me and not him they wanted? Is that why they brought him back? And when will they come for me?
I second guess interactions I've had with people. Was I too engrossed in a pity/petty party? Did I say something offensive? Did I have broccoli in my teeth? There have been so many times with an organization I do some volunteeer work and I walk to my car thinking "Geez - once again I have stuck both feet in my mouth!" Perhaps you are wondering how one can walk to the car with both feet firmly planted in one's mouth? Trust me, it takes talent. How sad is it that the measure of success of an evening is "Oh good - I didn't say anything stupid or tick somebody off tonight" ????
I try to pray. I try to do deep breathing. I try to count backwards slowly from 100 but my mind wanders back to all those other thoughts. I've never been very good with math. I guess this situation is no exception.
Maybe I'll just take up stargazing. Or in the case of tonight, counting snowflakes.
No comments:
Post a Comment